


Sterile

by goodbyebluesky



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: F/M, mockingjay pt. 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4184241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodbyebluesky/pseuds/goodbyebluesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[there's only sterile hearts and sterile minds][you can't take this away from me]</p><p>Katniss' thoughts when she finds Peeta restrained at the end of Mockingjay Pt. 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sterile

I hear him before I see him.

Coin is delivering her adress; but I don't care because only Peeta does and I just want to see him again. The combined voice of district 13 breaks through the concrete-plastic-metal walls and I can hear them clear as day even though I don't want to. I only want Peeta.

I shouldn't worry because Peeta's voice overshadows all this and my eardrums thrum with a tribal heartbeat that doesn't; can't; and  _shouldn't_  belong to me. My steps stagger in canter with shuddering breaths and I hear them far away though the chanting drums closer.

_PeetaPeetaPeeta. Peeta._

_I was choking. Gasping. Fighting for air with his hands around my neck and pleasepleasepleasewhyPeetacan'tyouseeit'smepleasePeetapleaseit'smeKatnissplease._

When I see him and I've turned the corner and the thrum's turned into a beat and my breath is a slur my voice doesn't exist anymore because Peeta has stolen it from me.

But that doesn't matter because I achieved what I set out to do and I  _see_  him.

He's thrashing like a fish on dry land; and his movements are so familiar that I can't stand to take another step before memories are swimming in my head like he was drowning in the Arena; in wild spasms that defy movement and direction.

This is the boy that tried to strangle me. The boy that once threw me an olive branch in the rain and the sight of him should repulse me; but he stirs old feelings in my stomach to life, and I  _know_  that he still loves me like I love him.

I can't bring myself to say his name; because pain floods in my throat and spreads like fire to my eyes and they're burning like the Arena _when I fired that arrow..._

The memories fall away like snow under a sun and it's his eyes that replace them. My fingers are poised on the glass and my breath frosts the outlines. My heart beats in my throat and my pulse pounds like my head and my eyes  _burn._

_If we burn; you burn with us._

But there's something so wrong with all of this; because Peeta sees me and strains against the bindings as though they actually hold him. But they _can't._

Peeta's strong like a mountain; and he's strong for the both of us and I can't ever be as strong as him.

His eyes are clouded and full of hatred; and he's the only spot of darkness in that sterile room and  _I can't do this._

I don't want this anymore. I don't want to fight against Snow when there's no guarantee we'll win.

I have Peeta now; there's no telling I'll have him tomorrow.

I don't want to be Coin's Mockingjay ( _was I ever the Mockingjay for myself?_ ) I just want Peeta.

I want to be Peeta's mockingjay. So I can be strong again; and help him out of this sterile room and we can be explosive together.

_[If we burn; you burn with us.]_

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr at goodbyeobluesky


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